Identity – The identity of a person who bullied 

You may have called them a bully in the past, and you may call them that again in the future, but it’s time we stopped using the term bully. It’s time to start using the term, “person who bullied.” It sounds like a very small difference, but in a society that is quick to use labels to identify people and how they will behave, it can be very damaging. It can also be a place that we can give power back to their victims. 

Reinforcing good behavior

If we want to change somebody from a bully to somebody who used to bully, we need to use the terminology that sets them up for that. A ‘person who bullied,’ gives them the permission and option to change their behavior. Once they see other options, we can reinforce the better behaviors. That might be stopping somebody else from bullying, or it could be that they don’t engage in a bullying behavior they would have in the past.

Bridging the gaps

A person who bullied often follows a similar pattern, bullying around the same types of things . When they stop doing that, we want to acknowledge and encourage that behavior. Slowly, they will stop other people from doing it and even help their former targets. That is how we really end bullying. That’s how we bridge those gaps. 

Calling them out

We also have to be careful and make sure that if a person who bullied switches back into that behavior, that we call them out. In most cases, we wouldn’t want to engage with yelling, screaming, and punishing – but in could be acknowledging the past good behavior, acknowledging that they’ve been doing a really good job, acknowledging those past moments. 

And then, ask them a question, for example: Did something happen today that made you feel like you could do this? 

Often, something happened in the day that triggered them to have negative feelings about themselves or a period of frustration and that is what pushed them into revert back to those old behaviors. We want to stop that as quickly as possible by calling them out and helping them identify those triggers and ways to manage those feelings.

If you want to learn more about bullying, about growing up looking different, head over to TheTooTallGiraffe.com and learn more about my book, The Too Tall Giraffe. It’s all about looking different, fitting in, and finding your superpower.